How to Find and Connect with Your Tribe

The Tribe

How important is it ?
We depended on it for survival.
In numbers we felt powerful. In numbers we felt we could achieve anything our heart desired.

Through time we developed culture with different social settings, we lived with stories in our hearts. They were filled with wisdom, compassion, vulnerability, strength and love. We found connection through dancing singing and cultural practices, and somewhere things got interesting.

To the modern era 

We have grown as human beings in some aspects, and in others we have gone backwards.

This is an attempt to clarify the need for creating a tribe that resonates with you. By this I mean the tribe as the human species, and the smaller tribes that incorporate our social setting.

Humans are a Social Species

There are many truths and one is that we are a social species and we require certain levels of attention and connection to maintain a healthy homeostasis. Proximity creates connection. Even when we travel solo, or we take time for ourselves what we are doing in essence is creating a passageway to rebuild and attract our tribe; our circle of friends that are also going in the same direction that we are.

How We Connect as Human Beings

As a being of this planet we have developed eyes: the windows of our soul that can see through all of the masks and into another soul.

Ears: to listen to the soft subtle vibrance of nature, and of the voices around us that contribute to our decision making whether we know it or not, consciously or subconsciously.

Mouths: to speak our minds. It may be of truth or internalised into something not quite tangible to another being.

Touch: to feel the earth as it is beneath our feet, to sense another heartbeat vibrate its essence throughout another soul.

Spirit: intangible in this plane, but directly related to that of our unconscious and the universe, our very essence of who we are.

The moment we realise the importance of our deepest true authentic self, can we then flourish and contribute to the world in a much more loving and powerful way.

We are far more complex, and simple, than perhaps we think.

As we go through life we begin to take away some of our masks, we begin to gather the circle of friends that will take us in the journey to the future.

Living an Awakened Life

The concept of being awakened or awake, is the way of life where you completely remove limiting beliefs from your life, remove any negative self talk; where the words “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not worthy” and “I’m unlovable” as an example, are completely replaced with “I am good enough” , “I am worthy” “ I am lovable”.

Like the great Muhammad Ali said “ I am the greatest”

Then you start to dream and believe anything is possible. The very act of truly believing this allows you to realise your greatest gifts, the very reason why you are on this earth, and the very thing that calls upon you everyday to share with the world your deepest truths. If you are not living awake you are merely sifting through life as if it was something you want to hurry and get to the end of.

Why is this important in your tribe – your circle of friends?

It is said that we are similar to the 5 people we surround ourselves with. That means if your group of friends are portraying negative thought patterns, and being somewhat unproductive, then you too will be similar to that. This will make it extremely difficult for you to be able to achieve those dreams and goals you so longed for in your heart.

The same is the other way around. If the 5 closest people to you are travelling on a path of discovery, travel, business, spirituality, love awakening and constantly challenging their status quo to be better and better, then, you guessed it, so are you. Wanting the same thing may mean being successful in their chosen field or profession, but when you join together you may share ideas and thoughts, and a fresh pair of eyes on a perspective may bring extreme clarity.

I cannot stress this enough. Ask any successful person and they will tell you to surround yourself with people who want the same thing, and are going in the same direction. It doesn’t have to be the same career, just you pursuing something you love with all your might.

The power of influence is underestimated. We often think that our thoughts are from our own thinking, and that is true to an extent. However, if we allow thoughts that don’t serve our higher purpose to penetrate through to our subconscious, they become part of us.

Our subconscious controls 95% of our thoughts, patterns and the way we perceive our reality.  Its job is to just say yes, whilst the conscious mind, the other 5%, is responsible for making decisions, but can easily be swayed in any shape or form.

Many of us have not been living how we really wanted to. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Know where you want to be, envision it, and create it. If you believe you are destined for greater things, then go out there and get what you are worth. Your circle of friends will either leave and find their own path, or they will evolve as well. They will strive to be better and create the change. One thing is clear, living in your true authentic self, living from your soul’s deepest truth, is addictive. Every single cell in your body resonates with energy, and the people around you cannot help but feel it as well.

To put it into perspective, we are one species of thousands, on a ball of mud rotating at over a thousand kilometres a second, spinning around a ball of gas that we call the Sun, to which there are many suns out there in the universe, and we are then just a spec in all of that serenity.

So why not do something that brings life from your heart into this world. Why not dance with time in the rain as your spirit is taken by the wind to the next adventure. Life is yours to create.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” – Henry Ford

If you were born in the 2000’s there is a strong probability that you will live until you are 120 years old. Invest in yourself. It is the most valuable asset you will ever have.

In saying that, there is no better time to start living in the present moment. In the full awakening of your raw self.
In this moment in time, our tribe, the people we surround ourselves with, are all calling upon their heart and soul to come out so that they can realise their deepest truths.

The Power of Love

There is nothing more powerful than love, we must fill our cup up with love so that it may overflow so that we can give freely from our cup. Only then can we truly give back to our tribe and our society.

The power you have in yourself can be shared and reciprocated to the world, but you must first fill your cup with self love so that it may overflow, and give love to everything it touches.

Self love is essential. That book, that art class, that holiday, that meditation, that walk, that candle and soft music. Whatever it is that makes your heart dance with joy and be filled with love, just do it, don’t think twice.

In our tribe we must risk being vulnerable for only then will they truly accept us as one of them. We must be real with who we are so that can add value to our life and to our world.

Masculine and Feminine Energy Needs

The masculine energy feeds and lives with challenge. In the tribe growth is seen with challenge. An example is “I bet you can’t dive into the water from here” and the masculine energy will think, “yes I can. I’ll prove you wrong”.

The feminine energy thrives on praise. An example could be if they are not smiling often you could say  “I love it when you scrunch up your nose and smile, you look adorable”. As apposed to “why don’t you smile?”

These examples of energies will allow you to get a better understanding in shaping your tribe.

The Evolution of the Human Species

As the human race we are a Tribe. We are then split into smaller tribes with similar thoughts and interests, and then split again into our circle of 5 closest friends. However, we are all united and share one main goal: the continuation of our species. The continuation of our species to be higher beings.

One of the things I am passionate about is creating positive influence and change. We are all living the human condition. We are all in this together. Only by acting in synergy can we create real change. I am but one person, but together we are many. I know that our spiritual awakening is happening right now here on this world. I want to reach out to all men and women. It is okay to share your thoughts and feelings with your tribe, and if they don’t share similar thoughts, perhaps some self reflection is needed, and then being open to possibilities. You may even need to find a new tribe.

When it comes to toxic masculinity and toxic femininity, there is usually an underlying reason as to why this is happening and harboring itself. In essence it is a call for help that is often not seen on the surface. When a safe space is created, which may prove challenging, it allows room for that person to open up and share their deepest thoughts. Then they may find closure and feel part of their true self again, so that they feel safe, secure and understood.

The “r you ok” campaign is an excellent example of someone who had a near death experience and in this turmoil he had a moment of clarity and was extremely grateful to be here. His life changed forever. He has nothing but gratitude and love. He often talks about how no one should get to that point.

As a human it is important to be able to share your thoughts and feelings with your tribe so that they are not harboured inside you. When they are, it can lead to misunderstandings, depression and suicides.

I find people often allow the pressures of life to overwhelm them and then they bottle down their emotions. That is why filling your cup with self love is so important. For example having daily mantras, a check list of things and thoughts that allow you to overcome any obstacle, and your tribe that will lift you up.

Would you rather someone spread gossip or agree with you when you have negative thoughts about someone and say things like “yeah they’re no good.” Do you have just a bunch of yes people around you? Or are they questioning those thoughts? Are they allowing you to see the 2 sides of the coin. Are they saying do some things that fill your cup? Allow yourself to be vulnerable and listen for the cry for help.

A Few Things to Live By

Give yourself love. Learn to love yourself. Fill your cup with love. Realise that no one will ever love you as much as you love yourself. Love comes from within. Then you can allow it to overflow. Share a smile with everyone, you may just turn their frown upside down and save their life.

Create a safe space for the people around you. This can be anyone. Ask how their day is going, and be genuinely interested and present.  Don’t allow other distractions to cloud your mind or judgment. It may just change their whole world.

Be open to learning how you can develop your deeper authentic self. Listen to that little voice that makes your heart dance in the rain. Be open to change, that is the only constant in your life.

Be part of a tribe that wants the best for you and helps you grow, that pushes you and questions you when you’re unclear at times. A simple phrase may take you out of a negative thought pattern and push you in the right direction.

Most importantly, be true to yourself; your deepest heart’s desire; your authentic vulnerable self; to the point that you wake up before your alarm and you’re so excited to share with the world what you love.

The deepest truth is that we are all vulnerable and deserve love. Don’t allow the masks of the world to tell you different.

You only have one life. Make it the best possible one.

Guest Writer Bio

Helder Fernandes is an entertainer, performer, writer, model, personal trainer, and mindset coach. Born and raised in Sydney, he has worked on numerous projects from Hollywood feature films to Netflix series to local acts in the Portuguese community, showcasing his talents along the way. Studying acting with various titans of the Australian industry has enabled him to be authentic at his core. Another of Helder’s achievements was walking 800km in a 33 days, which allowed him to constantly meditate for 8 hours a day. Helder recently became certified as an NLP practitioner and coach, and certified to practice Time Line Therapy. You can connect to Helder on Instagram and Facebook.