The Blueprint for a Great Relationship

It’s a lack of clarity that creates chaos and frustration. A lack of clarity could put the brakes on any journey to success.

Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Last year I started writing the content for the interpersonal relationship agreement (as opposed to a property relationship agreement) I would like to have with a long term partner. I recently came across the document again, reviewed it and decided to share it for others to use. This is an outline of what both partners agree to in terms of how they relate to each other within a relationship. Think of it as a guiding blueprint for establishing what you both want in the relationship, and then as a reference guide to keep coming back to.

It may feel a bit formal to set out a relationship agreement, but constructing one together creates a space for open discussion and clarity about what you both want, expect and value in a relationship. It also creates a set of shared intentions for the relationship. Having clear expectations and intentions creates a strong foundation for success and fulfillment. You can also review your relationship agreement together every few years as you and your life circumstances change.

The agreement below is an example only. See it as a starting point for a personal discussion with your partner in which you identify what points are important to you both, or any other points you would like to add.

Relationship Agreement

We agree to:

Support the intention to build a partnership which is a safe haven, where both partners feel comfortable and supported to be their true selves, share themselves completely, and freely pursue their creativity and life purpose

and to:

1. Consciously give our attention to our partner and acknowledge what they say and do
2. Be a cheerleader for each other – to verbally and, where appropriate, actively support each other in our work and personal interest endeavors
3. Encourage each other.
4. Laugh together every day.
5. Be playful with each other at least weekly.
6. Respect each other by honoring each others feelings, needs and values, and avoiding consciously manipulating or controlling the other person.
7. Tell each other as soon as possible if we feel hurt, angry, frustrated or disappointed with something our partner has said or done.
8. Clearly communicate what we would like, and what we don’t like.
9. Clearly communicate if our needs in the relationship are not being met.
10. Remember that our partner is not a mind reader.
11. Listen to our partner when they communicate information such as that relevant to points 7-9 understanding that their communication is given not as an attack or criticism, but to foster understanding and deeper connection.
12. Commit to ongoing learning of effective relationship tools
13. Commit to working through issues to resolution as they arise
14. Spend quality time together, giving our attention to each other, at least once a week.
15. Communicate love to our partner in their love language i.e. in a way that is clear and meaningful for them
16. Regularly express appreciation and admiration for each other.
17. Regularly express affection for each other
18. Ask for help when we need it and allow our partner to support us.

I would love to know your thoughts on this. Leave a comment stating which points are most meaningful for you, any you disagree with, or any that you would add.

This relationship agreement makes a good appendix to my ebook: How to Attract a Great Partner and Create the Fulfilling Relationship You Desire which you can get from Amazon, Apple iBooks, or by signing up for the Love in Abundance mailing list here.

I also like this more in depth relationship agreement by The Angry Therapist.

Much love, Janine