Beauty Can Be Morally Complicated
As I was completing the appreciation page in my journal this morning I wrote “I appreciate beauty” and it made me pause to reflect. Even the word beauty can be a trigger for some people. The concept of beauty can actually be very divisive, not just in terms of what is considered beautiful, but also whether it is morally right to appreciate, seek and cultivate beauty.
We see it as good and right to appreciate beauty in others and to compliment them, and yet to appreciate our own beauty gets judged as vanity.
I became a devout Christian when I was fourteen, and for most of my teenage years I struggled with what I defined then as the sin of vanity because I had a powerful desire to be beautiful. I compare that to my fourteen year old son confidently telling me in the car yesterday that he is interested in clothes and dressing well now. It was clear from his tone that he saw that as a good thing and as a sign of becoming more mature. I am happy that he appears to be free of the moral angst that I felt about that when I was his age.
Beauty is a Natural Human Instinct
Humans have an instinctive urge to adorn themselves and their surroundings. We see this even in tribal peoples who live in basic harmony with nature. Moreover it is not just an instinctive urge in humans. There are also many birds, animals and even plants which adorn themselves and their surroundings. The main reason for this is usually around attracting a mate and reproduction, but not always. We are sensual creatures, as in we move through life with our senses and seek what is pleasing to our senses. Colours can affect our mood, and our environment can affect our mental state. We naturally seek and appreciate beauty. What if we let go of judging that morally, and see it as natural and healthy.
Healthy vs Unhealthy Concepts of Beauty
Obviously, there needs to be balance. When your external adornment is a mask for internal insecurity, then I think that is unhealthy. If as a woman you think you are not attractive unless you are wearing make-up, then I think that is unhealthy. Denying yourself beauty is unhealthy. Trying to fill an emotional need with lots of stuff to fix the way you look is unhealthy. When the beauty industry feeds on making people feel inadequate, that is unhealthy. When our idea of beauty involves prompting or forcing people to endure pain or mutilation, then I think that is unhealthy.
What I think is healthy in terms of beauty is:
- feeling safe and secure within yourself
- cultivating a positive, loving, caring relationship with your body
- appreciating natural beauty in all its variation including your own unique beauty
- adorning yourself to express and feel good about yourself
Your appearance is Communication
One of the reasons I have been reflecting on the concept of beauty and self grooming and adornment is because I recently read a great post by Shartaya Mollett who writes the publication Rooted in Joy. In the post she addresses the frustration people can feel about being judged by how they look rather than for who they are. If we are talking about healthy balance, yes, both should be appreciated. However, Shartaya points out the fact of human nature that
The world judges [physical appearance] first, silently, instantly, constantly, not because people are evil, not because society is broken.
But because perception is how humans navigate reality.
I agree with the point that Shartaya makes in her post that you can either sit in resistance to this and try to push against it, or find a healthy way to navigate within it. Remember, we are sensory beings and we are constantly scanning our environment for information. That includes scanning the people in our environment and assessing them in terms of the appearance of their tone, posture, energy, clothing, adornment and presence. Your brain is instinctively assessing all that sensory data in terms of pattern recognition and deciding how to safely navigate this person. When we understand this, how we cultivate our appearance becomes about communication, expression and integrity. Your outer appearance reflects how you see yourself and who you think you are. It communicates a message whether you are conscious of it or not.
The world will judge the cover, whether you like it or not, so make it intentional, not to deceive, not to impress, but to align. – Shartaya Mollett
Grooming and adorning yourself well communicates that you respect and take care of yourself, and by extension that you deserve to be respected and taken care of. Surrounding yourself with beauty and things you like and which you feel good in is part of loving yourself. Allowing yourself to have beauty and to be beautiful is an aspect of positive self-worth. For most of my life I had an inner dialogue of “I can’t be beautiful because I am not perfect.” It was a belief that formed when I was very young and it was only been in the last couple of years that I have become fully aware of it and have begun challenging it. What formed probably in response to my father’s criticism of me, had become a limit I placed on myself. It has kept me from feeling comfortable in my own skin and from showing up fully in the world. It is one of my intentions for this year to unwind the hold that belief has had on me and to step into my own radiance.
Embracing Beauty
Beauty is often framed as something to admire in others but feel conflicted about in ourselves. It is a natural human instinct to seek and create beauty, but that can be framed in healthy and unhealthy ways. When our ideas about beauty are driven by insecurity, manipulation and rigid definitions, then we are mixing beauty with fear. Seeing beauty as communication, self-respect, and alignment rather than vanity or perfection allows us to engage with personal grooming and adornment as an act of self-worth and a way of inhabiting our bodies and lives with greater presence, integrity, and radiance.
Aroha nui, much love
Janine
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