Today I came across this image on Facebook and really liked its positive message about what to look for in a relationship:
I read and listen to a lot of information about relationships, and I find that much of the relationship help that is presented is negatively focused on people ghosting you, what not to say and do, what scares partners off, red flags to look for, and generally why relationships aren’t working.
I appreciate that the underlying intention is to provide helpful advice, but I find that sometimes the way it is presented can stimulate a lot of fear about never being able to find a secure, satisfying relationship. It can feel like you have to walk a tightrope to make a relationship work, and that there are pitfalls that you can easily fall into with every step you take.
I choose to look at life through a positive lens of what is possible, what does work and what can be. That’s why I really liked this post and shared it. I love the focus of looking for the green lights, not the red flags – because I believe that we find what we are looking for, and attract what we focus on.
I would add a few tweaks to the list though. One thing I would add, is that while it is great to look for someone else who does these things, it is equally important that you do them too. A positive, fulfilling relationship does not just involve finding the right person, it also involves becoming and being the right person.
We attract who we are.
So here is my version of the list:
They apologise when they are wrong, and so do you
Their words and behaviours align, and so do yours
They encourage your connection with others, and so do you
They speak about their ex-partners with respect, and so do you
They communicate clearly and honestly, and so do you
They set, communicate and respect boundaries, and so do you
They show up authentically and offer you space to do the same
They are intentional about resolving conflict, and so are you
They are actively working on growth and healing, and so are you
They take responsibility for their own feelings and happiness,
and so do you
They share compatible goals for the relationship
You feel seen, heard and appreciated by them
If you want to read the positive advice I have garnered about creating a fulfilling romantic relationship then you can download my free mini ebook How to Attract a Great Partner & Create the Fulfilling Relationship You Desire. It is still a work in progress – one day I intend to expand it into a full book – but I think that there is still a lot of positive, practical information in the ebook as it stands.
What is your list of relationship green lights or what points would you add to the list?
Header Photo by Isravel Raj on Unsplash
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