How To Create an Ideal Partner

How do you find your ideal partner? How do you know who to marry? Is it possible to find a perfect partner in life? How do you know your soulmate? We are biologically wired to desire romantic love and relationship, and yet in our modern society it can seem very difficult to form lasting, fulfilling life partnerships. However, I do believe it is possible when we shift our mindset from trying to find true love, to deciding to create it.

When you take the time to clearly define what you are looking for in a partner and in a romantic relationship, then you are far more likely to draw to you what you are really wanting. By writing a guide list of characteristics that are important to you, you take control and create what you want, rather than responding to whoever comes to you. Clarity gives focus and power to your thoughts and energy. I like to call this guide list an ideal partner applicant description rather than just an ideal partner description, because to label it that way helps you to see yourself in a place of choice where a relationship with you is a position that has to be applied for. In other words, rather than seeing yourself as lucky to get someone, you take the view that someone is privileged to be with you. Not in an arrogant way, but in a self-loving way that honors your self-worth.

If Someone Checks All the Boxes are They “The One”?

I think that relationships are a blend of head and heart – body, mind and soul. It also depends on who you are and what is most important to you in a relationship. Some people are very rational and logical and live from their head, and so for them someone who simply ticks all the boxes may be a good fit. Some people are more heart based and for them it is important that the relationship feels light and aligned as well as the person having certain characteristics. For some people sexual compatibility is very important as well. It comes down to knowing yourself, and creating a list like this is as much about identifying who you are and what you need to be fulfilled in a relationship as it is about the type of person you want to partner with. As I wrote in my post 10 Key Questions to Choose the Right Partner, creating a fulfilling relationship is as much about being a good partner as finding a good partner.  It starts with you.  You must become the type of person you want to attract.  

Hold Out for Your Hell Yes!

Once you have put together your ideal partner applicant list, be strong in sticking to it, because this is what you decided is really important to you when you were not distracted by trying to attract or please a particular person.  Accept that self-love means that if it is not a ‘Hell Yes!”, then it is a no.  If it is not what you really want, if you have to ‘weigh it up’, then it is not what your highest self desires.

Self-love means if it is not a “Hell Yes! then it’s a “No”.

You are worth a “Hell Yes!” Not just an “it’ll do”

This may feel restrictive or scary.  It is like focusing on a specific niche when you are in business.  It can bring up fears of missing out or getting less applicants.  Like in business, it is about understanding that when you focus on a specific ideal client/customer/applicant – yes, you have less quantity, but much higher quality, and a much greater chance of attracting clients who are an ideal match to you and what you want to create.  It allows you to concentrate your time and energy on what will give you the return you desire.

Use your list of must haves as your definitive initial filter. If someone does not meet all of the points on your must have list then there is no point in pursuing a relationship with them any further. Note that it does take time to get to know someone well, and for all their true characteristics to show up. Also, every connection you make has value even if you decide at some point that it is not what you are truly wanting as a long-term romantic relationship. Approach each interaction with an open heart and mind as an opportunity to enjoy, give, receive, learn and grow. They are all meaningful steps in your journey. Never a mistake, but always an opportunity for you to expand yourself or your vision. Have an attitude of appreciation for everything that you experience as this opens you to receiving more of what you desire.

You can be a little more flexible with the other points on your list, but if a person does not line up with most of them then it is not a “Hell Yes!” for you in terms of a fulfilling relationship, even though you may be feeling “Hell Yes!” attraction. This is about honoring yourself and your true desire. I get that it takes a lot of trust to do that – trust that the Universe will bring you someone more aligned with what you truly want; trusting in the mantra: “if not this then something better”; trusting that the Creator Consciousness of which you are a part will provide what you need, when you need it, and in the manner most appropriate for you. It can mean loving someone and letting them go. I know, I’ve done it, and it can cause heart pain, but only if you perceive it as loss. It takes radical self-love. It comes down to what you think you are worth, and trusting that when you honor yourself, then the Universe aligns with that.

Please understand that that this does not mean you are looking for someone who is perfect, or who you like absolutely everything about – your soulmate who you are just naturally in tune with about everything. That is unrealistic. No two people are exactly alike. There will still need to be acceptance and communication, and there will still be disagreements and misunderstandings. It is about tuning into your soul, and knowing that you are fully honoring yourself and being fully honored in this relationship.

How to Write an Ideal Partner Applicant Description

When writing an ideal partner applicant description I recommend avoiding physical specifics and focusing instead on more generalised aspects of character and behavior, and also how you want to feel when you are in a relationship. This puts the focus on what is truly meaningful and fulfilling to you, and also allows the Universe to bring you someone even better than you had imagined.

For example, instead of stating that you would like someone who is at least 6 foot tall, blond, likes rugby, drives a BMW and works in finances, focus on what is the deeper meaning behind those things for you, for example: someone I feel physically comfortable with, who I am sexually attracted to, who shares common interests with me, who likes to have objects of quality and style in their lives, and has money flowing freely into their life.

To formulate your list you can think about things from your past relationships that you didn’t like and therefore what is the opposite thing that you would like to create, and you can also think about aspects from past relationships that you did like. You can also think about aspects you have appreciated which you have witnessed in relationships between other people.

As a guide, you may like to include in your description:

• 5 ways you want to feel when you are with this person
• 5 personality characteristics you would like them to have
• 5 things you would like this person to be doing in their life
• 5 values that you would like them to have

Here are some examples of points you could include:

Ways you want to feel:

• respected
• valued
• treasured
• trusted
• encouraged/uplifted
• expansive
• energised
• heard
• seen
• accepted

Personality Characteristics:

• honest
• kind
• empathetic
• compassionate
• motivated
• helpful
• open-minded
• open-hearted
• expressive
• responsible
• self-aware
• reliable
• congruent
• funny
• playful
• confident
• secure
• growing in self-love and acceptance
• able to give and receive love with freedom

Lifestyle Features:

• pursuing their passions and actively seeking/following their life purpose
• responsible with money and manages it wisely
• actively cares for their physical health and well-being
• engages in personal growth and development
• practices mindfulness
• has positive relationships with their family and friends
• deals with conflict quickly, with the people directly involved, with the aim of finding a win/win resolution
• shares common interests with me
• likes to travel

Values

• health and well-being
• honesty
• freedom
• connection
• curiosity
• giving
• happiness
• family
• fortitude
• honour
• simplicity
• loyalty
• teamwork
• understanding
• equality
• wisdom
• wonder

You can also include general statements about what you want such as:
an equal partnership
where I feel comfortable being honest
where I feel comfortable being my true self
with someone who feels and thinks as deeply as I do
with someone I feel I can talk to about anything
someone I feel comfortable sharing everything with, without shame, without feeling the need to edit
with someone who accepts me for who I truly am, and likes who I truly am
with someone who is my cheerleader: who encourages and supports me
with someone I share common interests with
someone who shares the same spiritual beliefs and awareness
someone I can laugh with, be crazy with
with someone who treats me with love, affection and respect
with someone who seeks to listen to and understand me
with someone I feel connected to body and soul
someone I can look in the eye, and see love there

What Are Your Top Must Haves?

After you have your brain-stormed your full list for your Ideal Partner Applicant Description, you can summarise it into your top 3-5 must haves. This can be a list or a statement.

For example, a list may be:

• someone I feel comfortable sharing everything with, without shame, without feeling the need to edit
• someone who is self-aware and takes responsibility for their feelings
• someone who encourages and supports me
• someone I can laugh with, who has a strong sense of humor and fun

or, even more concise:

• openness (to each other and new ideas and experiences)
• acceptance (of ourselves and each other)
• care (of ourselves, of each other and of others)
• joy (gratitude, appreciation, humour, positivity)

A description may be:
A partnership which is a safe haven where both partners feel comfortable and supported to be their true selves, share themselves completely, and freely pursue their creativity and life purpose

How to Manifest Your Ideal Partner

Creating an ideal partner applicant description gives you clarity, and enables you to focus your time and energy on relationships that are more likely to be fulfilling for you. Your reticular activating system in your brain will show you more of what you are focused on. In terms of the Law of Attraction, it also sends a clear statement of what you want out into the energetic universe to create what you desire and help you to become a vibrational match to it. Put simply, when we focus on what we like and what we want, it invites more of what we like and what we want into our lives, and when we experience high frequency emotions we align vibrationally with what we have created energetically with our desires, and allow it to manifest physically.

To help you to do this even more effectively I have created a meditation audio (see below) to stimulate high positive emotion as you think about your ideal partner. However, if you find that when you read though your ideal partner applicant description or listen to the meditation audio that you feel any resistance or uncomfortable emotion such as frustration that you don’t have the partner you want yet, or doubt that you will ever meet a great partner, then shift your focus to something more general that makes you feel good. The key to manifesting what you want is feeling high frequency emotions, not visualizing what you want. As soon as you have a desirous thought then it is created energetically. You don’t have to keep thinking it. You can use visualizing for yourself to keep clear and focused on what you want, but you do not need to keep reminding the Universe. I like to play with this. When I experience something I would like to have in my ideal relationship, then I imagine filing that desire with the Universe, and adding it to the energetic version I am creating of my ideal partner and relationship.

Approach creating your ideal partner with an attitude of curiosity, and a decision to enjoy the process of both creating and becoming what you want. Always remember, we attract what we are. Once you have decided what characteristics you want your ideal partner to have, focus on fostering those in yourself as the most powerful way to bring someone like that into your life.

If you want to read more about How to Attract a Great Partner and Create the Fulfilling Relationship You Desire then you can download my free ebook from the Resources page.